Along with all that, I am extremely worried about money in the near future. By stopping school in December, I will start to be hit with major student loan bills come January. Not only do we have those bills to worry about, but we are now paying 356 dollars a month for health insurance which is pretty much useless because I have to meet a $2400 deductible before they start to pay for things. Then I believe they only pay at 80% anyway. We already got a bill for one of the lab charges for this pregnancy, soon I will get another and then there is the ultrasound next week and Lord only knows how much they will cost. Not to mention the bills for the actual delivery and all the prenatal care. All this on one income.
I don't want my husband to resent me for quitting school and putting him in the position to have to pay back everything on his own. I feel awful but at the same time I was not going to waste another two years of my life getting a degree for something that I do not want to do. I am trying to get this photography thing going and it seems to be picking up a little. I did one family portrait shoot and I am doing a craft fair in a couple of weeks. I had business cards made up and I am hoping that at least if not a lot of people buy my stuff I can at least get some exposure and have some people request my work. In fact, a coworker of my husband's told me that if I can get a good picture of our local lighthouse, she might buy it for her husband's birthday. I'm being commissioned to take pictures! That makes me feel like maybe I can make something out of this. I'm hoping I can because I would really love to contribute something towards the bills and my husband refuses to have me get a job because he thinks it is more important for me to take care of the kids. I just want to feel like I can contribute and help ease his burden a little since I feel like it's my fault that he's so burdened in the first place.
The poor guy is working so hard at work and then he comes home and goes to his taekwondo class and then does homework all the time so he can get a teaching job. And even though he'll technically be making less with teaching, at least he will have benefits and that is worth it's weight in gold it seems. I have no problem leading a simple lifestyle and not spending a lot of money, but it doesn't seem to matter too much to do that with all these other mandatory bills to pay. I'm just hoping that we can make it and don't end up losing our house, our sanity or our good credit along the way.
We have been going to church lately and I know this week what I will be praying for. For things to get better for everyone with this awful economy and that the U.S. doesn't find itself in another war. I am praying for everyone to just get along as naive and hippyish as it sounds. Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving and will have a good holiday season. I am going to try to stay positive and focus on the blessings in life instead of all this gloom and doom. :-)
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